Becoming your story

In second grade, I still didn't know how to read. I remember sitting at Sunday school and not being able to read the assignment. I tried to hide it and drew pictures instead.  

My parents were concerned and had me tested for learning disabilities. They even moved us to a new city. I was so far behind, it took me years to catch up. But, the school was better. In third grade, I started to read. 

There's something that became part of my ethos then. I was at the bottom. I had to do everything to work my way up. I remember constantly telling myself that I just needed to work harder than everyone.  I had to hustle. 

I became my story. I worked hard and I hustled. 

Everyone has a story. You repeat it in your head every day. It's a story of how the world reacts to you and how you react to the world. It's a story of patterns, where things are experienced over and over again. 

Just as it can be powerful and energizing, it can also be dangerous. If its a tragic story, you become a tragedy. 

I remember reading East of Eden and there was a passage that I'll always remember. Cal's father, trying a new venture, lost all of his money. Cal was smart; he executed on an idea and made a lot of money. When he tried to give it to his father, his father rejected it. Cal goes to his room and burns the money, one note at a time. 

His caretaker Lee comes in:  

Are you taken pleasure from this whipping you're giving yourself? Are you enjoying your despair?”

“Lee!”

“You’re pretty full of yourself. You’re marveling at the tragic spectacle of Caleb Trask—Caleb the magnificent, the unique. Caleb whose suffering should have its Homer. 

Maybe it was easier for Cal to become a tragedy. It was easier to think that what he experienced was uniquely painful.  It was hard to think that many others have suffered, often worse than him. Unique pain has more meaning. 

The danger is that you internalize the pain. You become someone who deserves the misfortune and can't get away from it. You expect it and it happens. 

If your story is of success, of overcoming adversity, you become that story. As you try it, it validates itself and becomes more true. You expect it and it happens. 

We have words for these people in the startup world: hustlers, cockroaches (which is a compliment for people and companies that refuse to die), lucky. It's the person that surprises us. It's a person that shouldn't succeed, who gets rejected and ignored, but somehow does and does it with energy. 

When you tell yourself your story, pause and think it over. Be a force, be a hustler, be creative, be lucky, but don't be a tragedy. 



"Attrition is a group statistic. It doesn't apply to me"

10 years ago I sat down with my brother. He was about to attend a high attrition special forces course.  The vast majority of candidates drop out.

Aren't you concerned about the failure rate?

I still think about his answer: 

"Attrition is a group statistic. It doesn't apply to me."

He explained that statistics are created for groups, not for individuals. As an individual, it's not relevant to you. He went on to pass the course on a broken ankle. 

That makes me think about some startup founders. Their companies should have died, since most die. They should have given up, since most give up. But, somehow they willed their company to exist. 

Startup failure is a group statistic, it doesn't apply to you. 


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The Rejection Book: Good luck, bad luck, who knows?

I've been rejected by a lot of people and organizations over the years. The number of my rejections became so comical, that my parents put together a book. 

This was a special book, since many of these rejections were later reversed. On one side of the pages would be a rejection letter, if they sent one. On the opposite page would be a letter of acceptance.  
 
There's one story that I remember well. 

I always wanted to be a Foreign Service officer. You live abroad, represent US foreign policy, and learn languages. In college, I applied to intern at a US embassy, the ultimate internship for political science majors. I spent an enormous time on the application.

I was rejected. 

I called up the State Department and spent over an hour being transferred from person to person, trying to find who was in charge. 

Finally, I found the decision maker. I explained how my rejection was an oversight and that I'd love to intern at the embassy in Rome. They no longer even had my application on record, since they shred the rejects, but we had a great talk and they invited me to send over my resume. 

By the following week, I was accepted as an intern at the embassy in Rome and, once again, amending my rejection book. 

Not all my rejections worked out that way. 

Years later I applied for the Rhodes. This is the scholarship of all scholarships. Bill Clinton got it. You study for free in the UK, meet great people from around the world and get a masters degree. 

I remember sitting in a Yurt in Mongolia working on my Rhodes essay. I should have been focused on drinking horse milk, not writing an essay. The essay passed muster and I was interviewed as a finalist. 

I was rejected. 

Instead of going to the UK, I stayed in San Francisco and doubled down in the startup world.

Glad I lost that one. 

Years later, I was watching Charlie Wilson's war (great movie for a political science major). The Soviets just pulled out of Afghanistan and the CIA team that helped was celebrating - everyone except one guy. 

He tells this story:
There once was a farmer in China who had a horse. One day the horse ran away. All his neighbors came to console him about his bad luck, but he was not distressed. He told them, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

A few days later the horse returned and with it was a mare. All his neighbors came to him to congratulate him on his good fortune, but again he would only say, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

A week later his son was riding the mare, fell and broke his arm. Again the neighbors came to wish him condolences and tell him how very unlucky he was. The farmer shook his head and said, "Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"

A few days later, war was declared and all able-bodied young men were conscripted, but because of his son's broken arm, he was not."Good luck, bad luck, who knows?"
I think of Airbnb and the 999 days of no traction - what bad luck they had.

Jack Dorsey, part of a product without traction and moving onto something called Twitter - what bad luck he had.

Evernote, unable to raise and almost going under - what bad luck they had.

Color, raising $41m from sequoia - what good luck they had.

When I read the tech press, hear the ups and downs, the tactical wins and losses, I always think - good luck, bad luck, who knows? 

It's hard to evaluate something in a given moment. Our reactions are too immediate for implications that are often long term - with benefits and downsides that are hard to predict. Let go of the moment and instead try saying to yourself, good luck, bad luck, who knows?

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Getting into the tech scene when you have no skills

It's not easy to get into the startup scene. When I moved to San Francisco, I got some great advice on how to get started.

There are 2 types of people out here. 
  • Non-technical. If you have no track record for marketing, analytics, product, sales or anything else of measurable value - you don't have the skills a startup needs. Your only value add is hustle. 
  • Technical. If you're a talented developer, all you have to do is apply for a job and they'll move you out here. 
If you're on the non-technical side, here's what I'd recommend to get started. 

1. Start reading
I'm going to keep this short, so you actually read them. 

Paul Graham is the intellectual voice of startups and cofounder of ycombinator. You should read all of his essays: http://www.paulgraham.com/articles.html



Venture Hacks: http://venturehacks.com


Andrew Chen has some great posts on marketing: http://andrewchen.co/ 

2. Crash Conferences
The best thing that happened to me happened in conferences I attended. 

In 2008, I crashed the MySpace party after the Web 2.0 conference. I was turned away twice, but finally got in. I met Jeff Kirschner who brought me as an Associate Product Manager at a social media app company. I learned a tremendous amount about product, analytics and viral marketing. 

In 2010, I crashed Google Venture's VIP section at TechCrunch disrupt and met the Google Ventures team. They've been helpful ever since. 

I think of this as a self-filter. If you can't get in, you shouldn't get in. But, if you can, you should. You should be the latter. 

There's also a lot of meet up groups where you can learn skills. Go to ones on sales, marketing, analytics, entrepreneurship or anything else to constantly grow your skill set. 

3. Do favors and work for free
The problem with having no skills or track record is that it's not worth paying you. Plus, you're competing with a lot of other people who also don't have skills, in addition to people who do have skills. 

The other good thing about doing favors is that it'll also give you context to meet a lot of people. 

I didn't know anything about usability testing, but it was the one thing you don't need experience to do well. Just read Don't Make Me Think by Steve Krug and it'll teach you how to set up usability testing as well as look for common usability mistakes. I did free usability testing for anyone who asked. 

4. Acquire skills
Here are some things that make you more valuable: BD, Analytics, marketing, usability, product, design, QA (testing), and more. A lot of people hold out for a job that will teach these skills. That's great, but most companies will only pay for experience (see #3). 

5. Find advisors
Zach Coelius advised me to crash conferences and do favors (see #2 and #3). It was the best advice I ever received.

Garry Tan had faith in HelloFax, when we were a barely functioning prototype. He later recommended us to YC. 

6. Learn how to code
You don't have to be an expert. Just make sure you know your way around the system. Being proficient at HTML / CSS should be a bare minimum. Although I hear a lot of complaints about it, check out http://www.w3schools.com/. It worked great for me. You can also check out http://www.codecademy.com/.

It's not easy to get into the startup scene. A lot of people come in with expectations that they can have a top Business Development or Product Management role, which prevents them from getting started. Be humble, hustle, take any startup job and love it. That's how you get started.